Yes, It is true....I have an entire new vocabulary now that my baby is 2 months old. Words like breast pump and poopie and sugarlump.... and I know...I have had a baby before, she is nine years old....I should know how all this works, right? uh...think I had total baby amnesia...I am not kidding you. Truthfully, I don´t think I have the best memory anyway, but I had forgotten how...HARD it is!!! I mean its awesome to look down into someones little face and see your husband and there is no greater feeling than when you figure out what is making him cry... and the smiles! Man! I live for those precious smiles!!! but with virtually no sleep and usually everything that you do, you have to do with one hand, cause you have a crying, or restless, or cooing baby in the other...WOW! On the other hand, on those good perspective kindof days, I walk around feeling pretty invincible! I mean, moms are multitask masters! and we are with older children too, but Madeleine is 9, so I delegate things to her....so you don´t realize you are doing 12 things at once...but with the little ones....they are truly helpless so you do it all.
My sister owns the most kick-butt dance studio... so that means that all of the family pitches in to help! Just last week was the recital. I was the stage manager, my mom was the stage hand (and Madeleine´s personal dresser/ she was in 6 dances a show!!yikes!!!) and my dad sold concessions. Jack, usually the sound man, but was on the road...so he missed it... So I had baby Jack in the sling while ushering dancers in and out the stage door with my flashlight! It´s a good thing he was that small and wanted to sleep the whole time! What a trip!

Last wednesday I got a call to go open for Trisha Yearwood. You guys know how much I loved that tour last year! Thogh I was hesitant to leave Jackson since he was only 8 weeks old....I also needed to get back in the swing of what I do. So I took a big leap and I went. I knew he would be fine with my momma. She had kept him while I was writing the day before and he was fine...she has a special way with babies anyway. But I gotta tell ya...it nearly ripped my heart out to go! I was gonna be gone 24 hours. I thought I could handle that. and it turns out that I did...but man! who knew hand sanitizer could make a grown woman cry!!! But let me start at the beginnning....
Madeleine had bought me this awesome purse for my birthday. but come on who am I kidding? It is basically a diaperbag with a wallet in it...but cute just the same... So I was planning on putting my breastpump INTO my cute (but big) purse and taking it with me. BUT the pump was just slightly too large for the extra cute purse/diaperbag. DANG!! But I am flying to NJ and I have my guitar to carry on the plane...you know there is no way they will let me take on three things...so guess what? the wallet goes into the side pocket of the pump. obvious? uh yes.... and yeah, you guessed it...they had to search it at security. and of course I got some young dude who had NO IDEA what all that apparatus was. and when I said, "it´s a breast pump" he got so flustered! I about died laughing! It´s not like I demonstrated how I use it....I just said the word breast and he couldn´t contain himself! HA I laughed for a while about that one. SO I get on the plane, and the girl beside me squirts hand sanitizer on her hands...before I know what is happening, I start to cry! It smells just like Jacksons room! The doors of the plane are closing....but I really want to start running off the plane....breast pump and all... but I don´t. I pull myself together because I know if I am gonna gig again, then I have to start somewhere....and it is gonna be hard to leave him...just like its hard to leave Madeleine...no matter what age they are. They will both always be in the middle of a cute stage, or an interesting stage or be doing something totally cool that I will have to miss out on...and that sucks, but that is our life I guess. Believe me , the gulit is overwhelming! But that is how we make our living, what makes us tick, what makes me and Jack who we are. So we go.
The gig was fantastic! Truthfully, I doubt if it was my personal best show. I haven´t played since March, Ive only been singing the itsy bitsy spider, and I havent even looked at my guitar, let alone play it...But still...It felt awesome and I had a great time. The people in Morristown NJ were awesome to me!!! It felt good to step back into the old me and sing really loud and say things that make people laugh and sing the songs that I made up! I can say gulit-free that I LOVED LOVED LOVED it~!!!
then the gig was over, I drove back to my hotel room, cried myself to sleep, slept three hours( like the dead, I must say!) then flew home! Back to the place where a little 11 pound bundle screams in my face and I think its cute, home, where my 9 year old wants me to jump in the 10 feet with her and see how long we can tread water....
can I have both? I am sure gonna try!!!
sorry this is long and riddled with typos! But as I write, I am sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor,rocking a baby seat, sipping tepid coffee, and typing with one hand! of course!!!
love, ~A~